Oddboard
Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Zombie Outbreak in Tokyo!

Apparently, a disease has been terrorizing the Tokyo community, turning all citizens into bloodthirsty zombies, eager for fresh blood. These zombies have a strange way of sucking your blood. First, they slap your crotch real hard. While you're writhing in pain, they do a CHOP on the back of the neck. Apparently this CHOP kills the immunity nerves that prevent the following disease:
Osteophorinic
Dyslexic
Degenerating
Bionic
Osmosic
Aneroxic
Rehydrating
Disorder

This immunity nerve will explode, causing a combustion in the blood-veins of the neck. The guy who just got CHOPPED will simply vomit blood into the other zombie's mouth. Sounds horrible, but at the same time, comical.

The loss of the immunity nerve will also cause the person who got CHOPPED to want to CHOP someone else, and that someone else will receive the ODDBOARD disease. We believe this disease is man-made. FBI have conducted investigations and have displayed the amount of knowledge they have on this disease to us in an interview. Mr. CHOP has spoken to us.

ODDBOARD: Hi, Mr. CHOP.
Mr. CHOP: Ahh, good evening. I believe you wanted to ask me some questions?
ODDBOARD: Yes, we certainly do.
Mr. CHOP: Oh.
ODDBOARD: We would like to ask you a few questions on the case of the man-made disease in Tokyo.
Mr. CHOP: Ah yes, that terrible incident. I hope it will never happen again.
ODDBOARD: It's happening right now.
Mr. CHOP: Well, I'm speaking as if I have already solved the case, which, in a way, I have. HAHAHA!
ODDBOARD: Well... you seem very confident. You have the cure AND the notes on this man-made disease?
Mr. CHOP: Oh.
ODDBOARD: Oh?
Mr. CHOP: YES I DO. I DO. I HAVE THE CURE RIGHT HERE. IT'S.. RIGHT HERE!
(At this point, Mr. CHOP whipped out a package of instant noodles)
ODDBOARD: Maggi Me?
Mr. CHOP: Yes.
ODDBOARD: Ahh, so it is the instant noodles?
Mr. CHOP: NO. IT IS TEH POWDER. IT IS TEH POWDER THAT WILL CAUSE THE COMBUSTION, CAUSING TEH RETURN OF TEH IMMUNITY NERVES!
ODDBOARD: Aha. So we have the cure. Now do you know how this man-made disease came about?
Mr. CHOP: Some man made it.
ODDBOARD: I mean you know WHO?
Mr. CHOP: Yes.
ODDBOARD: Who?
MR. CHOP: My mother.
ODDBOARD: Ah! That is surprising.
MR. CHOP: AHBLABLABLABLABLAWHACKANSOIDNADWIAOIDNASOIDWANDKLASDNWIANDLKAD!!!
ODDBOARD: Excuse me?
Mr. CHOP: You will have to excuse me. I suffer from the disease named ODDBOARD. Do you know it?
ODDBOARD: :O

Oddboard has also done some investigation, and it appears the answer is simple: The people want to CHOP necks. So what shall we do to cure them? Give them a Chuck Norris figurine! And who created this disease? I believe Mr. CHOP answered that.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Your Oddboard Guide to COOKING!

Hello everybody, my name is YAN and I am from Oddboard!

Today I has been asked to give you peoples a nice tutorial on how to cook a goooood bowl of noodle! I will show you how! Yes I will!

First ah, you take the noodle, you put in the bowl! You can choose any type of noodle, it could be the ahhh, spaghetti noodle, it could be the Mee Pok noodle, it don't matter! So you take the noodle, you put in the bowl, there's step one done, very very easy! If YAN can do it, SO can you!

Now you know what noodle needs anot! It need dah.... soup! No noodle complete without the soup! So what you do ahh, you take the noodle in the bowl, what I usually do is I eat the noodle plain because I like the noodle plain! But you can keep tha noodle in the bowl, put the soup in it! Now, I teach you how to make the soup! You first put 50 grams of baby powder inside a bowl! Put it in! It goes well with the soup! Gives it a powderful taste! Then you take a live fish, you chop it in half, you take out the guts and you put the guts in! Very very healthy! Then you take some paper, you slice and dice the paper, you put the paper inside also! Give the soup nice paper taste! Finally of course you put the water inside the bowl! Usually I use the toilet bowl water, it has many many nutrients!

So you take this ahhh soup and you put under the stove and you heat it until maybe five ten minutes! While the soup is heating, you must add in the following ingredients:
4 sea shells for the shelly flavour!
125g of pepper, very good for the nose!
Now the soup is finished!

So you put the soup and put the noodle into the same bowl! Come on! If YAN can do it, SO can you! Now you has the nice nice noodle with soup, you must first put it in the freezer! This secret recipe of my grand mother best served cold!

You take out of the freezer maybe after 2 weeks, and you have the perfect meal for your family and friends! Remember, if YAN can cook, SO can you!