Oddboard
Friday, December 5, 2008

Singapore Countdown!

The Singapore Countdown on the 31st of December will be a night to remember. The whole party should begin at 11.30pm and end at 12.15am. Local bands like WeTheLosers and GirlPower will be performing songs that have been much favourited by the community, such as Go Go Power Losers, and Sugar Spice And Everything Nice.

Here's a sneak peak at the script that 2 hosts, Justin and Vernon will be reading out.

Justin: Welcome to the Singapore Countdown!
Vernon: Welcome to the Singaproe Countdown!
Justin: We are...
Vernon: The Muttons!
Justin: And we will be your hosts for tonight!
Vernon: So true!
Justin: First of all, we'd like to thank the audience for being able to be here tonight!
Vernon: Hear, hear!
Justin: And we'd like to thank M1 for supplying our mikes and speakers!
Vernon: Thank you M1!
Justin: We'd also like to thank Electrix, the company that supplied the wonderful light decorations for tonight!
Vernon: Electrix FTW!
Justin: We'd also like to thank Mr. Miyagi and Mrs. Miyagi and their young son, Miyagi Miyagi for being the wonderful organizers of this event!
Vernon: Love you guys!
Justin: We'd also like to thank Mr. Johhny McManny for co-organizing this event!
Vernon: Woohoo!
Justin: We'd also like to thank Ms. Foo for successfully inviting the Foo Fighters to perform!
Vernon: I'm gay!
Justin: I'd also personally like to thank the hairdresser who styled my hair!
Vernon: And so is Justin!
Justin: And we just want to express our love to Mr. Humongoushit, who supplied the food and drinks!
Vernon: We look so gay!
Justin: And I want to thank the Attire Department who put together these clothes! They are so lovely!
Vernon: Because we ARE gay!
Justin: That's all the people I want to thank I believe!
Vernon: Okay!
Justin: No wait.. there's another list in my pocket! Thanks to the volunteer group who put together such a lovely atmosphere!
Vernon: WE ARE GAYYYY!!
Justin: And thanks to the few insects that scared the contractor so much that he ran away and we had to get a new one and the new one was much better!
Vernon: HOHOHOHO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Justin: HOHOHOHO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Vernon: Wait I thought it was the new year.
Justin: We are so queerish.
(Justin starts to cry)
(Vernon stars to cry)
(Both of them leave the stage)
(Dr UTT comes onto the stage)
UTT: I'm sorry! I have no idea who they were! I don't think they were part of the performance... Anyway, I'll just like to thank the audience for being able to be here tonight, and M1 for supplying our mikes and speakers, and...

That's all of the released script our journalists could find from the SC Department.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Terrible Tragedy!

Everyone knows about the Mumbai incident where terrorists held people, including a 28 year old Singaporean as hostage. Most people know that she was killed only yesterday. But do you know that there was another Singaporean held as hostage?

The other victim was a 80 year old Singaporean named Chao Chee Chiong Ah. She was apparently rushing for the elevator doors when the terrorists hit the area with bombs. According to several witnesses who made it out alive, she seemed to be irritating the terrorists with her banter. A witness recalls the conversation she had with a terrorist.

Chao Chee Chiong Ah: Hey, how you doin’?
Terrorist: Shut up and seet on thee floor eeu beetch!
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: Well, you see, I have to go to the bathroom.
Terrorist: Oh reely? Weell, too bad! Eeu haff to keeeep those waters inside eeurr bladder!
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: I’ll wet my pants.
Terrorist: Noo! Do not make a scene here.
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: Sorry. I have a disease that’s makes me have the sudden urge to go to the toilet. It’s called
Dyslexic
Umbercordic
Monotamous
Beratic
Arteslyxic
Singular
Syndrome.
It runs in the family.
Terrorist: Women! Doo eeu want me too shoot eeu?!
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: The matter of ‘want’ is out of the question. However, you ‘may’ shoot me. I am not giving you permission to carry out the order, I am simply giving you the gift of truth when I say you can shoot me anytime you want.
Terrorist: What?
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: The matter of ‘want’ is out of the question. However, you ‘may’ shoot me. I am not giving you permission to carry out the order, I am simply giving you the gift of truth when I say you can shoot me anytime you want.
Terrorist: Listen women, eeu have no idea what eeu dealing with! I am very furious now! If eeu do not shut eeur trap right now, I will personally see to it that eeu die a horrible death!
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: You are pathetic. Or should I say eeu are pathetic?
Terrorist: Eeeuu!!!!!!!
*At this point the terrorist backlashes the ‘women’ viciously in the face, and sticks his gun between her eyes*
Terrorist: I am giving eeu wun last chance! If eeu do not shut up now, I shall keell eeu!
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: EEU ARE A COWARD!
Terrorist: AHHH!!!!
Other terrorist: No! Do not shoot her! We had the agreement that we would not kill anyone until the ransom was confirmed!
Terrorist: NOOOO!! I SHALL KEEL THEES BEEETCH!
*All the terrorists ran to prevent him from killing the woman.
Other terrorists: You could ruin the whole process, mun! You must compose yourself!
Chao Chee Chiong Ah: Excuse me gentlemen, I have one thing to say.

“CHIONG AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

*Chao Chee Chiong Ah bats all the terrorists aside to run to the elevator, where all the other hostages already had escaped to in the commotion*
Terrorist: THERE SHEE GOES EEU FOOOL! THERE GOES THAT CHEEE B**!
*Other terrorist fires his machine gun, managing to kill the ‘beeetch’ and the other 28 year old woman. The rest escapes*

Upon finishing his story, the witness wiped away a few tears.
“She gave her life to save us all. God bless Miss Chao Chee Chiong Ah.”