Oddboard
Thursday, November 6, 2008

Here, I will show you 2 versions of the article 'Barack Obama Wins!' You can read them both and comment on the tagboard.

V1: Barack Obama Wins!


Barack Obama has been elected the new president of the United States. He has declared that there would be higher taxes, and no more guns. He has also listened to the pleas of the citizens and has declared more public toilets with extra toilet paper.

This is his full victory speech on the day he won:
People, this is the hour of victory. I am the winner. I have defeated John McCain. I have Obama'Rolled him. I am The new president of the USA. (Cheering)
This is your decision. It is your decision to have me as your president. The president. The president of the USA. I am proud to be the president. The president. The president of the USA.
(People getting a bit "sian")
Yes, you have chosen me to be The president of the USA, and I will do my duty, as I am The president of the USA.
(7 or 8 people left the stadium at this point)
Now, I declare it that the people of the USA will receive...

*At this point there was a technical problem, and the mikes went off, power was restored 2 minutes later*

Yes, I promise you that you will receive all that I have just said! I will keep my word, as I am The president of the United States of America!


V2: Barack Obama Wins!


Barack Obama has been elected the new president of the United States. He has declared that there would be higher taxes, and no more guns. He has also listened to the pleas of the citizens and has declared more public toilets with extra toilet paper.

This is the full victory speech that he has given.

My dear dear dear people. You have chosen me to be the next president of the United States of America. I pledge to do my duty. I pledge to give you all a sense of safety in your homes. There will be no more flashers, no more rapists, and no more paedophiles, but I cannot ensure your safety from bears, because I love bears. I... I LOVE BEARS! OH MY GOSH, I JUST WANT TO HUG A BEAR RIGHT NOW!
(Obama digs out a teddy bear from under his suit and starts hugging it)
Oh, teddy, I love you so much. Do you love me?
(Teddy appears to be a small baby bear)
(Teddy says in a deep voice, "No.")
(Obama drops the bear)
I love bears so much! Therefore I cannot ensure that bears will not attack and eat you, because I love bears and I cannot bear to hurt bears. Did you see that? I just used a pun! I'm so clever! Heeheehee~! But I seriously cannot deprive bears of their food. They have rights too. If they want to eat humans, let 'em I say! Because I love bears! I am setting up the Bear Rights law. No one is allowed to hurt a bear, hunt bears, eat bear meat, or even TOUCH a bear, because they're all mine, because I love them, do you hear?!
(At this point Obama started shedding tears)
I love bears so much! As much as I love beavers! Oh, how adorable beavers are! In their cute little dams! Oh! I am setting up the Beaver's Rights too! You are not allowed...
(By this time, everyone had already left the stadium in disgust)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Woman Arrested For Virtually Killing Husband!

The 43 year old Japanese woman was furious at her "husband" who had suddenly divorced her in the online game, Maplestory. The woman accessed his login details and hacked into his account, stealing all his items and spitefully using level 99 character to commit suicide several times.

The woman is now in jail in Llanfairwychogogogoschakaboosh, waiting to learn if she faces charges of illegally entering a computer and manipulating data.

She was taken to Sarappo, where her "husband", 12 year old Donald Donaldson lives. If charged with offences, and convicted, she faces up to 5 years in prison and a $5000 fine. "I was divorced so suddenly, it made me super duper angry, F5!" she was quoted.

This will teach ya buckaroos to stay away from virtual relationships.