Oddboard
Monday, January 5, 2009

Your Oddboard Guide to Life Issue #2

Your guide to MOVIES!

Twilight

Twilight is about a girl named IkillVampsWithAwoodenStake falling in love with a vampire. The vampire, a charming lad named CharmingLad, does not dare go near IkillVampsWithAwoodenStake as he fears his crazy self would emerge and he would rape her, but soon he develops and immunity. The show ends when IkillVampsWithAwoodenStake kills CharmingLad with a wooden stake as he looked gay.
RATING: -0.5/5

Yes Man

Yes Man is about a man named Yes who says Yes to everything. Yes yes yes, he goes everyday. The show ends when he suffocates himself by saying yes so many times and dies. Sad endings are the best.
RATING: 5/5

Ip Man (EEEEEEP MUN!)

Ip Man is about a man who loves martial arts. One day, he meets a young girl called Mary. Mary doesn't like him, but Ip Man is obssessed with her. One day she kills him because he hangs out with his friends more than he does with her. He comes back from the dead, and the following dialouge takes place:

Ip Man: Rawr.
Mary: Holy Schmokes!
Ip Man: You killed me... I don't understand... why..?
Mary: It dont matter!
Ip Man: Is it because you suck at martial arts and I wouldn't teach you a single move?
Mary: It's because you did not teach me how to play defense of the asian, holy smoke.
Ip Man: It's a very simple game, basically you choose one hero and you level it up, it could be the panda, it could be the bear or any other person alright, it don't matter.
Mary: Then?
Ip Man: Then you level it up, and basically this game is complicated at first, but then it be very simple. So you level up the character and then you cast the spell and kill other character, it's veri veri fun, holy smoke.
Mary: Is it a good game?
Ip Man: Blizzard did a very good job with the graphic, and all the gameplay, how it work. You can buy the battlechest for thurdy dolla, you will be able to play dowda man. You buy the battlechest and it come with the warcraft 3, reign of chaos and also the expansion, holy smoke.
Mary: I kill you.
RATING: 7/5

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Benjamin Button eats a button and dies.
RATING: 10/5

Sunday, January 4, 2009

New Year's Day

Oddboard would like to wish you a good ol' new year's day. The new year party was a total success! First, 7 of the artists that were supposed to perform caught a rare type of rabies and they were contained in the quarantine cell. Gurmit Singh broke his leg. 3 of the special fireworks were accidently set off before the people even arrived, and the rest were some how damped and could not be lit up.

The hosts lost track of time and it was well over midnight before they realized that they had missed the count down. The people all boo-ed and threw flaming bottles of kerosene at the stage. 16 people were trampled to death and a further 6 committed suicide because they just thought it seemed appropriate. Many others attempted to jump off the stadium for fun, and they all died.

The stadium was burned to the ground by a crazy maniac who thought that the end of the world was near and celebrating new year's day was a waste of time. Terrorists also bombed the escalator in which 47 people were heading down and a further 242 people were queuing up. A total of 350 people were killed and a further 1205 people were wounded.

What a success!