Saturday, August 23, 2008
New Monkey-Cat Species Discovered!Yes, a few days ago, we saw a monkey humping with a cat. Here's the picture:
We watched the cat for several days. It finally gave birth to a very cute batch of kittens. But what ho! One kitten looked rather strange. It did not look monkey. It did not look cat as well. No, it looked extremely weird, like an alien from a science-fiction book. We took a picture of it.
Kind of weird, huh? That looks like a toad, but how can a monkey and a cat make a toad? Rather awkward. Maybe this cat is a pimp. Maybe it humps everything it sees. We do not know, but even for a toad it looks strange. We found out that it pees through it's stomach and it eats through it's backside. The mouth is used for scaring things. When it opens it's mouth, it looks disgusting. Even the mother cat is afraid of this new baby, and seems to swat it with her paw everytime it comes close to her. We are planning on suing this cat for child abuse.
Astronaut's StoryAfter our leader died, we others traveled into this planet, looking for any signs of alien life (not
insects). We saw some pink underwear on the ground, and a cup of coke sitting on a rock, but nothing very alien-ish. Then we came to this gigantic structure in the middle of nowhere. There seemed to be a door, and on the door was the inscription: Do not enter if you are gay. Obviously we weren't gay, so we bashed through the door with our ray guns to apprehend whatever was inside. A very strange thing was staring back at us. It looked rather scary. Here is the picture we took of it:
It looked so alien like that one of our crew members became stiff with terror. He wet his pants and dashed out of the structure, but he jumped and he died. (Read the previous post to see how) I myself was rather shaken, but I composed myself and asked, "Who are you?"
The alien like creature said, "I am Michael Jackson! I can dance and sing for you!
My crew member asked him to do so. The creature stayed still for a moment before blasting into the song "Thriller" and doing moonwalk and stuff. We were awestuck by the smoothness of his moves. As smooth as a smooth criminal!
As you see, there is life such as this on Squiddoo. We shall have to eliminate these scary creatures before migrating.
Friday, August 22, 2008
New Planet Found!Astronauts have discovered a new planet 5 million km away from mars! This planet has a bluish glow and is roughly the same size of earth. People are naming it Squiddoo, after the great SQUID. Scientists have also confirmed that there is LIFE on the planet! This is a great discovery! Once we destroy whatever life is there with plasma tanks and bio-bombs, we can commence the great migration, where every single human being on this world will migrate to Squiddoo. Except for all the gays. They can stay and rot.
The properties of the species that are living on Squiddoo are going to be revealed soon, so keep your eyes peeled. For now we will continue on the planet itself.
This is the story.
Famous astronaut Swudiwudipudipong and his crew were in a spaceship travelling around and drinking tiger beer, when suddenly it gets as cold as hell. Swudiwudipudipong removes the blinds and looks out to see the strange planet looming before him, blocking out the sun's rays. Everyone shouted, "Wow! Wtf! It's a new planet! We shall name it Squiddoo! It's 5 million km away from Mars!"
Unfortunately everyone froze before they could make the journey. But the radio was on, and the people down on earth heard everything. They made a special spaceship with super-heaters, and managed to land safely on Squiddoo. It was as cold as dark as the moon, but there was water, trees and small insects! The leader jumped for joy at this discovery, but he soon found out that the gravity on this planet is like that in CS. When you jump, you go high as shit. Everyone was almost 54 times lighter than they usually were. The leader jumped for joy and he floated up slowly and slowly and slowly and slowly. His crew members watched him go up with binoculars.
The leader kept going up until he hit the planet's atmosphere. Now, Squiddoo's atmosphere is different from earth's. It is like a glass wall. The leader hit his head against the atmosphere and his blood spewed everywhere like a grotesque christmas decoration. The crew members laughed with joy and continued their journey into this strange planet. Several of them accidently jumped and died the same way, but 2 astronauts survived, and their story is extremely exciting. Catch it on the next News Oddboard Tonight!
Megalodon has been found!In case you do not know what is Megalodon, it is the legendary shark that lived in prehistoric ages. It is 12m-18m long. By the way, that's freaking huge. Thats 39-59 feet in length, for pete sakes. Imagine if you saw that big black shit of a thing coming towards you in the ocean. You'd be scared out of your pants.
Anyway, it's been found off the east coast of swudiwudipudipong. The fishermen wasted 54kg of fish and 2km of net trying to catch it. 3 of them have been brutally mutilated by the Megalodon. Their faces were chewed apart and you cant tell if they're humans or people who just had plastic surgery failure. So far the fishermen can tell that it's about 10000000000km (or around 53.454m) in length. A little boy who happened to be on the boat at that time said that the Megalodon looked uber cool, and jumped into the ocean to swim with it. The Megalodon apparently was just thinking it was about time for an evening snack, and immediately plunged the boy into it's 6m wide jaws. Fishermen swore they saw the boy laughing like a retard before he was swallowed up like an ant. The parents were also on the boat, and they were relieved to be rid of the little brat.
One helicopter man took a picture of it. Here's it is:
http://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/pfk/images/danionella.jpg
Haha, okay, so he didn't really take a picture of it. He was killed by the shark while shouting mummy before he could take out his camera.
At this moment, the Megalodon is still battling the fishermen. Actually, the fishermen have all already died and the Megalodon is still roaming in the open seas. Care you don't get hooked by his massive tooth while building sandcastles.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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