Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Big News!
Unfortunately, I will be going away to Malaysia from Thursday to Sunday. This is sad news i'm afraid, as there may not be anymore news until then. So tara singapore.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Advertisements!
Wonderfuk
The most wonderfuk bubblegum you'll see! You can blow bubbles up to 20m in size! Of course when they blow, they blow the shit out of your head. Buy Wonderfuk!
Gay Cube
It'll turn so smooth that it'll blow the crap out of your pants! One small nudge will have it spinning like a tornado. Very useful for killing young babies too! Just pour poisoning on it and shove it into their mouths!
Grenade of Death
Uh huh! Yeah, this grenade will be sure to kill anyone who is in it's 2cm diameter explosion! Instructions.
1) Pull pin hard. If you don't pull it hard enough, a big monster will come out to kill you.
2) Type in secret code: YOUSUCK
3) Type in secondary secret code: YOUSUCKAGAIN
4) Type in last confirmation code: YOUSUCKMYCOCK
5) Put it carefully on the ground and take a step back.
6) Enjoy the harmless pink confetti that sprays out of it, and the sweet barbie doll music that the midden mp3 player inside plays!
Strawberry Biscuits
These biscuits will definitely be an awesome evening snack! Great non-fat and super healthy ingredients used! Ingredients such as:
100g of Rat poison
350g of Cow dung
325ml of Piss
6 boxes of Tissue paper
4 bottles of Ink
And finally, 1 tiny drop of strawberry juice that earned the biscuit it's name: Strawberry biscuits!
To have your advertisement here, please call 999!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Woman breaks neck!Yesterday, a woman broke her neck by walking in front of a super-fast runner. It happened at the Annual Race, where some dumb people run for fun. One woman had just finished her race and was going home. Her name is Achmed, and she is 37. She was walking in front of a running participant named Borat. Borat seemingly wanted to crash into the woman (Oh ho ho) and he fell on top of her.
One person taking the timing for Borat saw everything. His name is Biatch. This is his story:
I was timing for Borat. He's like, damn slow, man. It was 45 seconds already and he still hadn't even completed 5m. When he realized he was going super slow, he took out some viagra and popped it into his mouth. Viagra, dude! Then he began running at the speed of a giant bakadouw. And that's really fast, man! He was like, woah, awesomely fast. Until he hit the woman that is. How sad.
A camera man was able to take a picture of it. We are planning on sending this picture to the "World's Funniest Pictures".
Sunday, August 31, 2008
New Super-Phone released!Nokia have recently created a new phone, extremely slim with lots of space. It is possibly the most stylish creation of 2008.
Features
-Super Camera, can zoom in 120x
-Super Video Taker, can store take up to 2 months of video, plus super clear video. No shit quality.
-Super Fast, no delay or lag
-Super Space, can hold 50000 songs, 300 movies and 999999999999999999 contacts.
-Super Radio, can catch any radio signal within a 8876585km radius.
-Super Music Player, it'll sound like the band's playing right next to you.
-Super Surfer, it can go to any website with super speed, no loading required.
Nokia have decided to call this phone the Nokia 999: Gay Phone. After all, it's features are super gay. I'm sure you really want to see this phone. Well, here it is!
Um, yeah, that's it.
Bombed to hell!Yesterday, a group of terrorists planted 150kg of C4 in the pentagon. Luckily, the president was not hurt as he was at the local coffee shop sipping low-caffeine coffee. How the terrorists planted the bomb inside the pentagon is extremely amusing. Here is the story.
One of the secretaries inside the pentagon, you see, had a drinking problem. On that particular day he ordered 50kg of Heineken to be brought to his office. This was the conversation he had with the beerman over the phone.
Secretary: I want 50kg of beer. Heineken too. Deliver it to Room 8648 at the Pentagon.
Beerman: Sorry, our maximum delivery is 25kg of beer.
Secretary: Damnit, die in a fire, b!tch. I'm telling you I need the beer!
Beerman: Who are you to tell me to die in a fire?
Secretary: I'm your father, luke!
Beerman: Omg, it can't be!
Secretary: It is. Now give me that beer or i'll spank your ass.
Beerman: Right away, dad!
Secretary: Oh, and one more thing.
Beerman: Yes dad?
Secretary: After you deliver the beer, go to the top floor of the building and jump down.
Beerman: Of course, dad!
The terrorists tapped into this phone call, and dressed up as workmen. They delivered the C4 in a giant box to room 8648 and said to the Secretary, "Here's your beer. Drink it up while it's nice and cold."
The secretary opened the box a few minutes later to find some strange circuitry and wiring running all around. He said to himself, boy, I hope there's beer where i'm going, before he was blown to hell.
Such is the story.
