Oddboard
Friday, October 17, 2008

Obaba... IS BLACK!
Yes he is! It is an amazing discovery! We all formally thought he was white before he pulled off the fake skin and shouted:" I'M PROUD TO BE A BLACK!"

Fishes... CAN SWIM!
They can! A recent study shows that fishes (those little things with fins) can swim! We put around a 100 fish into the water, and all of them started swimming!

Peanuts... ARE NUTS!
For over 150 years, we have always believed that peanuts were brown peas. Now a research by one of our scientists shows that peanuts come from the nut family!

Wolves... ARE CARNIVORES!
Holy shoot! We have always believed that they were cute loving dogs with a vegetarian stomach! Now they are eating our chickens like hot cakes!

Hamsters... LOOK LIKE MICE!
A year ago, a survey showed that 65% of the people thought mice looked like crocodiles. Another 25% thought they looked like chimpanzees, 7% thought they looked like humans and 3% thought they were oversized rats! Now, we have discovered the truth.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Okay, fine, settled, i'll continue.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Cat-Killer Britney Spears!

Singer Britney Spears has been accused of killing Clay Aiken's cat. The killing happened around October 12th, 6pm. Clay Aiken's cat, Pussums, was skulking around Britney Spear's penthouse. Britney was just going out when she saw Pussums behind the trash can. Forensics believe she kicked the cat several times before feeding it poisoned milk. She then pinned a note to the cat before leaving it in front of Clay's house: Pussums is a distraction! Now you'll love me more!

Detectives believe that yesterday's drama caught on the security camera has something to do with it. It seems that Clay and Britney met at a McDonalds to chat over a packet of super-fattening fries. Our fellow writer wrote a script related to the events that happened.

(Clay Aiken walks into the restaurant, Britney is sitting down already)

Britney: Hiiiii Claaaayy. (Gives a flirty wave)
Clay: So what did you want to talk to me about?
Britney: I want to take our relationship.. further.
Clay: Further?
Britney: You know... like, more than just boyfriend girlfriend?
Clay: Boyfriend girlfriend?
Britney: You know... like marriage..
Clay: Marriage?
Britney: Okay, f*** you. I want to marry you. Will you marry me?
Clay: Nope. Nothing to it. Your not my type.
Britney: Why not? We're both singers, you and I, I and you... US.
Clay: I mean, your feminity is not my type. I prefer more manly people, with big muscles and abs. You should have heard that I prefer men now. Girls are defintely not my style.
Britney: But..But..
(Pussums suddenly jumps onto Clay's lap)
Clay: Ahh, pussums. I love you soooo much.
Britney: Isn't pussums a female?
Clay: How dare you insult my dear sweet honey-bunny pussums!
(Takes the ketchup bottle and smashes it onto Britney's head, leaves the room with Pussums)
(Britney cries, then goes crazy and starts flashing)

At court, Britney cried out that it was self-defence, that the cat was going to attack her. "You shut the hell up, you slut! You killed my poor dear sweet honey-bunny pussums! I ought to smash your head into a coffee mixer!" Clay shouted in response. The judge is 95% going to sentence Britney to 5 years in a lesbian prison, says the judge's wife, Mrs Clay Aiken (get it?). Britney is going to hit the dust, including her gay supporter, Chris Chrocker.


Martians attack Singapore!

Living beings from outer space! A myth, but it has been made clear that there are certainly aliens. And they have landed in Singapore! A 'spaceship' has landed smack in the middle of Orchard Road. It is not that oval kind of spaceships that you see in the movies. No, this one looked funny.





A few hours ago, ah lians and ah bengs were patrolling Orchard Road as usual, looking for helpless kids to bully. The spaceship appeared out of nowhere, pogo-ing down from space (duh). Witnesses say it went down at the speed of 500km/h, though a scientist has comfirmed that it came down at the speed of 5m/hour. The spaceship smashed one ah beng's head, causing instant concussion. The ah beng went insane and took out a knife to kill all the other ah bengs and ah lians. Happy days!

There seemed to be a label on the spaceship, that read, From Malaysia, To Taiwan. We believe this writing is some form of alien language. When the spaceship had cooled down sufficiently, a police officer tried to pry the box open with a screw driver. Another one smashed it with a hammer. Some technicians tried to burn it open with a blow-torch. They even dropped it in a vat of sulphuric acid. That's when one boy noticed a button on the top of the box, with the words saying: PUSH ME.





Some policemen could not understand plain english, and PULLED the red button. The boy rolled his eyes, bashed the men aside and pushed it. And the box slid open as easy as a sunday night.

What was seen inside?!







Just a bunch of toys. The boy discovered another label another the box that read, For Mary and Sam. Happy birthday! Here are a bunch of toys!

The story has it that the box of toys were going to be delivered to some chinese kids with english names, but it was pushed out of the plane by a naughty little monkey. Who could have guessed it?


Chemical Leak in Pennsylvania!

Yesterday, a chemical leak in Pennsylvania caused more than 2500 people to flee the country! The leak was caused by the WeLeakChemicalsEveryday factory. The story is that a group of Anti-Vampires broke in to dice up the chemical tanks, causing the leak. But vampires live in Transylvania, not Pennsylvania! These Anti-Vampires must have made a stupid mistake.

The chemical, a material called iKillYou, similar to sulfuric acid, leaked from a tank at the WeLeakChemicalsEveryday Chemical Corp, said plant manager Davy Davidoff Dorky.

1000 people have evacuated into shelters, but since Pennysylvania hates cowards, the authorities have secretly opened some windows, allowing the poisonous fumes to kill the sweet innocent civilians. None survived.