Oddboard
Thursday, August 20, 2009

Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard. Happy BIRTHDAY Oddboard. Happy ANNIVERSARY Oddboard.


Story of Swudiwudipudipong NUMBA FOUR


How in the name of God's green earth and I going to travel to the forsaken land of Perth? It was retarded. But as my late uncle used to say,
When you grow up, and if you face challenges, and if you can't face the first obstacle, skip it to the next. And so I looked up LaLoLeh in the phone directory and I found his number: 62353535. I called. He asked me if I wanted a pizza. I looked at the book. Wrong number. I found his proper number: 62343434. I called. He asked me if I wanted a pizza. I looked at the phone book, but his number was correct. It was him. I asked him why he asked me if I wanted a pizza. He told me that he was a member of the JI parliament, and he had been assigned the special task of asking everyone who called him if they wanted pizza.

I told him many things. I told him that he knew something that he didn't know yet but would find out soon. He asked me if I still wanted pizza. I relented and ordered a Canadian. After all, who couldn't use a little bit of extra food? Of course, he forgot to mention the price of a Canadian from JI Pizza Store and now I am bankrupt. Back to the point, in answer of my question, he asked me what sort of thing was the thing he knew about. I told him it was about the Chicken Curse and if he had a cure. He immediately screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"?"
"CHICKEN CURSE?!?!"
"Yes. You know of it? Then you can help me find a cure."
"No, I do not know of it, but aren't curses scary? YIKES."
"...?"
"I do feel as if I know something, though. Maybe if you could get me a little bit of smoked salmon from the local department store, I could remember something. Salmon always gets me thinking."
"Sure."

So I got him some salmon and I met up with him. He was the most retarded looking person I had ever met, with droopy eyes and a spastic wreck of a smile. It was comical. I handed him the smoked salmon and he ate it raw. Then he closed his eyes.

"Chicken curse..."
"Yes."
"Chicken Curse!"
"Yes."
"CHICKEN CURSE!!"
"Yes."
"I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING, SWUDIWUDIPUDIPONG!"
"Yes. Wait how did you know my name?"
"I THINK I HAVE SOMETHING!!"
"Yeah, answer the bloody question. How did you know my name?"

At this point the sky went dark. Thunder crashed! Boom! Boom! (lol) LaLoLeh's retardedly droopy eyes suddenly became less droopy. In fact they bounced up and they sprung out and they hit me in the face. And the moment his eyeballs connected with my skin, I felt a sense of revelation. Of course! So that's how you get rid of the chicken curse!!

You
eat chickens!

The sky went back to normal. LaLoLeh's eyes sagged again. It was retardedly retarded. But I couldn't be distracted. I asked LaLoLeh if he had any chicken in his house. He said no because Mas Selamat was afraid of chickens. I cursed and dashed out to the supermarket. I bought a raw chicken and threw my wallet at the cashier and I shoved the chicken down my throat and!

Nothing happened. In fact, at that moment, the cashier slipped and fell on an erected pencil and she died. I still had the chicken curse. Shit. The revelation was not a revelation. I guess it just was something crazy I thought when I got knocked out.

I decided to give up. I mean, it was only a chicken curse. I had ample amount of time to live before I mutated. And who gives a shit about the human population?


Diary of LaLoLeh part SIX


April the 29th

JI Parliament is a real kick in the ass. They give me all the special assignments. It's so damn cool! Once they had me pull out a roll of measuring tape, and then snap the safety lock so that the whole sharp roll would come zooming back. The objective of that task was not to get cut. Of course, I got cut. They gave me a cup of coffee as punishment. They all know that I hate coffee. But it was still kind of fun.

April the 30th

JI's given me a new assignment. Advertise their pizza bakery, Pizza Store. It is good. I'm supposed to ask everyone who calls me if they want a pizza. Yeah!

May the 1st

Someone called me. He asked me why I asked him if he wanted a pizza. I told him that I was in the JI parliament. He asked me if I knew the chicken curse. Duh I know what it is! Who doesn't?? And who doesn't know the cure for it? But I decided to have some fun. I screamed and acted sissy-like. He seemed to take it seriously. He went to buy me some salmon because he thought it would help me "think". When he came back I suddenly recognized him from a newspaper. Wasn't he Swudiwudipudipong? Wasn't he born in a shithole?

May the 2nd

I met up my mathematics tuition teacher, Mr. A. He mentioned some hell-of-a-rude guy named Swudiwudipudipong.

"Some Idiot was being so Rude the other time."
"Ah who?"
"Some hell-of-a-rude guy named Swudiwudipudipong."
"WUT"
"Ya! He was asking the most nonsensical questions."
"Oh really? By the way, can you represent a set drawing with a venn diagram?"
"You don't even have your book open! Why do you ask me such ridiculous questions?!"
"No! I'm just trying to ask if you can show that it is indeed a subset by drawing avenn diagram!"
"Yes that is a stupid question! You don't even know the question, why do you ask such bloody idiotic questions?!"
"No! I-"
"Bloody hell, boy! You want to sit outside the classroom?"
"..."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Note from the editor (as they do it in reader's digest...)

Hi.
Wasn't it great when Oddboard was getting two new posts a day? That was when it first started. And it's been reduced to a post a month. Isn't that just a miserable shamble of a blog?

Now i'm running out of ideas.
20/8 is Oddboard's birthday. I'll probably be double-posting then.
I don't know why I'm getting all sentimental, it's just a blog.
Haha.

ON TO TEH POST!





not. There isn't any post today. Wait for 20.